Apparent Contradictions...

I am sitting in the kitchen, helping Veronica work on her homework, doing a little bit of odds and ends for my work, and trying to catch up on the joys that are the internet. I had just started helping Veronica with some math problems and given her some time to work them out and the next thing I know she is in tears talking to me about her brother and sister that she has not seen in years and did not remember prior to one of the final parental meetings just prior to her being adopted, when her birth mother decided to pull the entire family (even grandparents) in for a final visit. The tailspin that this threw Veronica in still continues to this day and at times I believe will continue in some way for the rest of her life.

I am not upset about her feelings, her desire to talk about them, her longing to remember more, and to make sure that they are okay. In all of those things I wish I could help and do more, but I can't. God has not given me this ability, so I sit and listen and sometimes (like today) I fume at those who have hurt my daughter. The many ways they have carelessly damaged my child. The time it will take her to see these scars as the parts of life that will one day make her the incredible person she is to become (all a part of the mysterious and glorious providence of God). I am angry and I hurt for her and that makes me angry on days like today and I am totally powerless.

All I can do is sit, listen, dry her tears, and hope for the day this does not hurt her so badly. And maybe a time when I can forgive those who have done this to her and not burn with hatred toward them as badly as I do today.